Insignificant 'me'

I was doing my B.Tech then. My college was considered one of the best in TamilNadu. It became a deemed University in the year I joined (2003). With no ceiling, they were in an admission spree. You can understand this once you know the number of students in my course.

I had a chapter on Biotechnology in my 12th std, which induced me to choose B.Tech in Biotechnology. That was the time when all were going crazy about ECE. I thought I was "different" unlike those crazy people, selecting a relatively newer course. Only after joining, I realized that I was not alone; there were 249 other "different" people.

My department as well the course (Biotechnology) was new born. We dint have seniors to guide us. We had to learn the nuances of biotech on our own. Even the faculties were learning with us. People say that learning never stops. That is for those who are in learning already. However, for the faculties concerned, their learning started only then. The so-called doctorates, who were supposed to have better clarity, were more confused and confusing.


I think these led me slowly away from biotechnology. It was very slow that it took me at least a year to realize it. Biotech had to miss a sincere learner. Biotech's loss became MBA's gain. Ganny always wanted to do a MBA. He talks about it occasionally. Now I think that those occasional talks could have been an inducer. I believe in "You see only what you want to see". Hence, I strongly feel that unless I decide to do it I would have not done. I started thinking that I am a MBA material. Therefore, I decided to do MBA.

Then the Placements began at the end year of the course. First Placement season in the deemed university. We were curious about our placements. We dint have an idea of what pattern would the placement follow. Wipro was the first company to visit. My friends were preparing but I was not. I was confident about getting placed. I was encouraging my friends and was enjoying myself. The D-day came. I thought everything was going all right until the results were announced. I was not selected. Ganny and Ram were placed, but they could not celebrate it. I was speechless. I was not able to face my friends. Was I Over-confident?


I never thought beyond the first company. However, I had to think beyond another 4 companies. Still I couldn't find anything. Friends around me were slowly getting placed. My confident has been severely dented.

Meanwhile I have joined TIME to prepare for CAT. I was not even preparing for CAT. Not even attending the TIME classes regularly. How can I get into a good college without good score? I thought I overrated myself. I thought I was not up to the mark to write CAT. My Confidence was all time low.

I managed to clear the aptitude tests in all 5 selection processes, but something was going wrong in the interviews. Still I was not preparing for CAT. I was thinking only about finding a job. CAT was the least for me then. I was attending interviews outside the college. At a point, it became clear that I would not get a job before the completion of my course.

Then I very insignificant...I was like the tiniest of all. I thought that there is no hope.

November came and I attended CAT. The CAT that was least once suddenly took the center stage. I did fairly well for my level of preparation. It gave me a ray of hope. I became my usual self. I got a good score that was enough to secure a place in Amrita. After certain hiccups, I finally joined MBA. I will never forget that lean phase.

The thought that kept me going was, "I am young and I have enough time to turn things around". I still relish this thought.

Nine months got over since then. Some of my friends are yet to find a job. If I had not joined MBA, I would also be looking for a job. Now I feel that my situation is no different from theirs. Only that I do not have to find a job immediately. I have no pressure to get placed immediately. I have 15 more months. I will be immune from the pressure until that.

Finally....

This is 3rd year since i thought of writing a blog. Its not as big as a civil aviation project to be in gestation for nearly 3 years. Still, it took its own time. The reason for the delay could only be internal (that's me).

May be i was not ready yet.

May be i was not as confident as i thought to be.

I was doing my B.Tech when i was first exposed to the world of bloggers (thanks to Ganny). It was interesting to know that there is a place where you can write all/even the nonsense and tell the world that i too can write. That was the time when i was aspiring to be a writer. So i thought blog could be a right place to get off the mark.

I wonder when this great idea of writing as a career has germinated in my mind, when the seed was sown, what was that induced the germination. Probably it should have happened in my school days.

I always wanted to read a lot. But i had neither books at home nor a good library nearby. I tried to read everything that comes across me. At home, they buy two of the popular Tamil weeklies, which i never missed to read. Every week i used to wait eagerly for the new issues to come.

May be those readings are the seed. I must thank my under grad college, at least for the excellent collection in the library. I was so overwhelmed. I was like a boy who just found his ladylove. I read as much as i could. I was also fortunate enough to have friends like Ganny and Subbu, who introduced me to various authors. That's when i was exposed to Kalki, Archer and Puzo. The trio i love the most. These people made writing look easier. Like one gets inspired by sachin to play cricket. I was inspired to write.

Adding to that, Ganny and Subbu are good in writing. Especially Subbu's short stories. On seeing them, I started thinking that writing is easy. Suddenly plots for stories arise in my mind. I felt that i too could write well. I believe that, to be a good writer one need to be a good observer of things around them. I considered myself as a good observer. So I tended to be confident about my writing skills.

But writing a blog was not happening. Then the interest surrounding it slowly faded. It became nil at a point. But the passion to write took a new shape. It got associated with passion for directing and scripting for movies. So started thinking and writing plots tailor made for movies (More details in another post). It further strengthened my belief in my writing abilities.

Then i finished B.Tech and joined MBA. Here i missed all my favourite authors. Still i felt the same about writing. But there was nothing to induce me to write. The catalyst was missing. One fine day Cauvery comes and asks me to read and comment on her blog. Again, the idea of blog comes to existence in my thoughts. I visited Cauvery's blog and read. At the end, I felt wow. It was great. It was a pleasant reading. Surely, it was the missing catalyst. Reaction started again. I missed books in the college but i started reading lot of blogs. Then there was a wonderful post in Cauvery's blog. I think that was the last push required.

Now, here is my blog.

But why dint i do it at the earliest,

May be i was not ready yet...

May be i was not as confident as i thought to be....

Finally...... i am a blogger now. I would be a writer soon.

P.S. This is my very first attempt in English or in any language for that matter, if you don't consider that very short story that i have written in Tamil. So i request you to help me improve my language as well as writing through your valuable comments on my posts.